Real life examples of my unsmoothness and inability to control saying stupid things

Example #1
MoD-"You can cook and do physics.... what can you not do?!?"
Me- Silence
Inside my head-"Nothing...I'd be the perfect wife you should marry me!!"

Example #2
[talking about giving him a high five after the game and how his gloves are sticky and it's impossible to give high fives with sticky gloves]
MoD-"Well next time I'll just take that glove off"
Me-"Okay and then I'll grab your hand and NEVER let go.."
MoD-Laughs
[Little does he know that I'm totally not kidding.]

Example #3
MoD-"I really don't want to go"
Me-"To study??? You can just stay here forever...."